1 Year Later....

I know I'm late posting this. Life with a toddler is anything but slow! Serisouly, as I'm writing this, Violet's sitting in my lap, eating chips and listening to Veggie Tales on iTunes.

It's been over 1 year since I let Dollar go. Over a full year. Violet's birthday, Christmas, what would have been his 21st birthday. Sigh. Feels like forever some days and other days feels like it just happened yesterday. There's still a hoof-shaped hole in my heart and I don't think it will ever be filled in.

Violet keeps pointing at pictures of him (I have some of him on my walls and as my background on the laptop) and keeps asking "Who's that?" Breaks my heart to tell her that that's her horsey who's with Jesus right now. I know he would've been great for her and for the other kids.

To top of some of the pain, I found out that the property that my Dad bought is 5 miles away from where Dollar is buried. Sigh. At least when I drive out there, I can make a quick pit stop to see his grave. Need to go out there again an put some more flowers.

Miss you so much Old Man.

Three Months....

Has it really been 3 months already? Looking at the calendar, yes. Looking at the huge void in my horse life feels like longer.

I'm not really feeling the urge to ride, although I do have a "new" mount to ride. It's just not the same. I miss going into his pasture, calling his name and seeing him trotting up to me, knowing that he was either getting treats, scritches, pampering or work. I miss his calm demeanour. I just plain miss him. 

Although riding the "new" mount is OK, it's not what I really do, it's more of a favor to someone. It's not the same when it's not your heart horse. :( Don't worry. This "new" mount isn't mine, just riding her for someone else. I know I'm not ready to get another one. My brain says yes, it would be a good healing process. My heart says no, it would just be too painful now.

I will start the search in a couple years (hopefully have a couple acres by then), but right now?

I miss you Old Man :(

The Custom Order is Here!!

Remember when I had posted about ordering a custom stuffed pony of Dollar just before he died?

IT'S HERE!!!!!

Finally got it in the mail after 3 weeks of waiting (thank you US Postal Service for shutting down some of your sorting centres. Makes getting things to Canada take waaaayyy too long).

Of course when I got home, I ripped it open, admired it and then gave it to V to take some pictures.

Thank You SO MUCH Lucky Hare

Moving On.....

A couple more updates....

Since it's been 2 weeks since Dollar passed, I finally decided to start packing up all my horse stuff (except for my saddles and saddle pads) and put them into storage. Luckily I don't have a whole lot, so it will be easy to clean up and store in the big Rubbermaid container I have. Everything will be going in there except for my saddles, just in case I can find a horse to ride. But my bridles, brushes, wraps, etc. will be going away. :(

I can't remember if I had mentioned this before, but I won't be getting another horse anytime soon. Dollar was my heart horse for 18 years and it will take a very special horse to take his place. I know I'm not ready for another horse (as much as I ask my Hubby), and that it will take time. Also, since my daughter is under a year old, it really doesn't make sense for me to get another horse. She is my first priority right now and I need to make sure that I'm there for her when she needs me (and any other kids we have). I'm thinking that maybe in 3-5 years I'll be able to get another horse. We live in town right now, so even if I would get another horse, I'd have to find a barn and pay board. Not really my type of thing. We are looking at selling our house in 2 years and buying some acreage, so if everything pans out, I'll be able to have my horse in my backyard again.

And since this blog will remain as a memorial to Dollar, I started up a new blog over at Adventures with Horses to journal/chronicle anything horse related that I do, and when the time comes, the search for a new horse. Feel free to follow the adventures!!

Visitng the Grave

My Mom had decided earlier in the week that she wanted to see where Dollar was buried and had asked a couple days after letting him go if I could show her where he was buried. Sure, why not?

And the Pet Cemetery even called on Monday saying that Dollar's headstone was being made, but they had a quick question. I had put his 2 names on there, Cee Kay Sash (his registered name) and Dollar (his barn name). They didn't have enough room to put both, so would it be OK if they just put his registered name on there? Sure, although now in hind-sight, I should've told them to put Dollar on there as that's how everyone knows him by. Oh well. Not really a big deal.

So my Mom picked me and V up after she was done work and headed out to the Pet Cemetery. The drive down there didn't seem as long this time, and I wasn't as nervous going there either. I had even picked up some (fake) flowers for Dollar's grave, just to make it look prettier for my Old Man.

And my Mom is weird. On the way down there (we were about 2 miles out from the Pet Cemetery), my Mom had asked why the back-hoe operator closed everything up by himself. The following is the conversation we had (italics are me):

So why'd the back-hoe guy close it up by himself?
Because that's what he does and I didn't want to see my horse get buried. Not really the last images of my horse that I want.
Well, how do you know that he didn't bring Dollar somewhere else?
(Now I'm looking stupidly at her)
Really? There is only 1 road in and out of there and a deep ditch to get to the gravel road. We were on the other side of the bush paying for everything and I heard the back-hoe start up and start working. I didn't pay good money to have my horse buried for nothing.

I swear sometimes, my Mom has completely lost her marbles (or wait, she has).

Anyways....once we pulled into the Pet Cemetery, we drove through the bush, parked and found Dollar's grave quickly. Not too hard when there's a big pile of sand over where his grave is. Mom looked after V while I too the flowers to Dollar's grave, brushing off some of the sand that had fallen on there. I took some pictures of his headstone (everything was spelled correctly! Yeah!) and put the flowers in the sand, and told him how much I missed him. :(

Good part?? I didn't bawl. Proud of myself for that one :).

Sigh...I miss you so much Old Man.

Good-Bye Old Man...

I did not want today to happen at all. I was hoping that it was just a really, really bad dream in which I would wake up, realize that I wasn't losing the best horse ever and continue to keep on riding him.
Unfortunately, today was not a dream. It was reality. And to have reality bite me in the butt, Dr. Brad texted me this morning (around 11) asking if we could move the appointment up to 4:30 as the back-hoe digger had a wedding rehearsal to go to. Sure, why not......

I spent the day in a haze, dropped V off at my sister's place (a euthanizing and burial is no place for a 7-month old baby) and headed over to my Dad's place to load Dollar in the trailer one last time. And I could tell that he was ready to go when I grabbed him from the pasture. He wasn't picking fights anymore with Jack or Buster (the 2 new youngsters) and the spark was gone from his eyes. And he could tell that something was up, because he hesitated going into the trailer, as if he knew that he wasn't coming home again. Once I got him in the trailer (with some coaxing), I headed back to my place in town to wait for Hubby to get home and then head on our way.

While we were waiting for Hubby, I combed out his tail, braided it, and chopped it off just below the tail bone. I do want to make something out of it (probably a bracelet and necklace) in the near future. I also gave him an apple which he wasn't too keen about. That hit it home for me, he always loves his apples, but if he's turning them down, somethings up and not right.

Once Hubby got home, we hopped in the trailer and headed off. I was hoping to be there a bit early and let him have some nice green grass before everything was ripped away from me. Unfortunately, while I did look at the map on the website, the Highways Department has since changed all road signs from names to numbers. So I accidentally passed the road that I needed to turn down, but hooked up with the "gravel highway" that would take us there. But because the road names got changed to numbers, I wasn't sure what road I was looking for. So I called up Dr. Brad and asked him which road number I needed. He told me Road 37, so I checked around there, but no pet cemetery (there is a sign saying where it is). So I called him back again, and he said that he had given me the wrong road, it was actually Road 35. I told him to stay where he was and I'd meet up with him. Took me not even 5 minutes to get to him and then pull into the Pet Cemetery.

Made our way up the grass drive-way and then parked in a grassy area. The drive-way to go to the cemetery goes through the bush and I wasn't sure if my trailer would fit down there and just would walk Dollar down there. And it was a nice last walk, through the bush. I wasn't looking forward to what was going to be happening, but I knew that it was the right decision.

Once we got to where Dollar's grave is, Dr. Brad directed us where he wanted him and got everything ready while I gave him the last of the carrots that I had brought for him. Once Dr. Brad had everything ready, he gave Dollar a light sedative to take the edge off. And my horse was a cheap date. Dr. Brad gave him a small dose of sedative and Dollar had one knee almost buckled and was slightly swaying. Cheap date. Then Dr. Brad gave him the 2 needles while I held him until he started going down, then I let go of him. And all I could say to Dollar while he was getting his injections was that I was so sorry I had to do this. Once he started going down, I let go of his halter and Keith just wrapped his arms around me while I bawled.

Once he was gone, Dr. Brad took off his halter and lead rope and gave them back to me. I was still bawling and Dr. Brad said that he'd meet me up at the trailer so that we could pay for the burial and euthanization. We paid for everything, thanked Dr. Brad for his services and then turned the truck around. And then Keith heard a hissing noise coming from my back right tire. I took a look at it and noticed a gash in the tire. Urg! Luckily the guys who work for the people who own the cemetery were still there and said that we could go down to their place which was a mile down the road. We asked them if we would make it and they said if we left now, we would. So me and Keith hopped in the truck (with a very empty and lonely trailer) and headed down to their place.

The guys changed the tire pretty quickly, although we learnt to never borrow a mechanics truck as they never have what you need. Urg. We thanked them for their help and got back in the truck. But the truck decided not  to start. FML!! So the guys came back with an industrial booster, hooked up my truck for a couple minutes and then I got it started. We thanked the guys yet again and then headed home. Keith had offered to drive the truck and trailer home, but I told him that I would be OK to drive.

Got the truck back to my Dad's without any further problems and told him that I hated his truck. Then went to pick up V at my sister's place, who apparently was a complete angel and slept for 2 hours with Uncle Brett. Then while I was getting her ready for bed, I heard her say "I Love You" in the baby mumble jumble. Aww...

My hubby is the bestest though. When we got home and after I had nursed V, Keith got a nice hot tub ready for me so that I could soak and decompress after the events of today. And then he had a cup of tea made for me while I played Super Mario on the Wii with Violet.

And to top it off, remember the custom pony I ordered? Well the lady posted the finished product on FaceBook and said that she would be shipping it Monday morning. I'd say that's a good way to end my day.

Sigh, I miss you so much Old Man.......

Happy 20th Birthday Dollar!

My Old Man turns 20 today! Crazy to think that I've had him for 18 years already.

So in true birthday fashion, I gave him a bucket full of treats, a good grooming, took tons of photos (almost 200 I think), took V for a ride and gave him his last bath.

Enjoy the photos :)

Left front

Left back

Right back

Right front

Yes I know his feet look horrible. Thank you dry, dry weather and almost no rain. You turn my horses feet to crap. :(

All shiney!!

Mine and V's last ride on Dollar